I am not a relationship counsellor. Nor am I a certified psychologist or social worker. But I am smart enough to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Sadly, for many of us, it’s not until we actually go through an unhealthy relationship that we finally know the difference and realize that we are worth so much more.
In healthy relationships:
- You feel free to be your authentic self
- Both partners communicate freely and openly
- Conflicts are resolved healthily, and you have a general sense that everything will be alright
- You encourage each other to work towards your dreams and goals
- You are wholly loved and appreciated, flaws included
- You satisfy each others’ needs where intimacy in concerned
In unhealthy relationships:
- You feel a need to ‘hide’ who you really are
- Communication is inconsistent
- Arguments are rarely resolved and generate anxiety
- Your partner puts you down and/or makes you doubt or question your ability to accomplish your goals
- Your partner emphasizes your flaws and makes you feel horrible for having them
- Intimacy is either lacking or used as a tool with which to manipulate you
Use Your Feelings
You can literally use your feelings to tell you whether your situation is healthy or unhealthy. Your intuition always knows what’s best for you. To all my sisters out there who have been through horrible relationships, you know that your gut was warning you from time that your then-partner wasn’t the best for you (amen!) In my own case I can recall dozens of instances when my feelings were telling me to
walk run away years before I actually did.
Practice Good Self-Care
Whether you are single or well tangled up in love, it is important to know yourself and define what you expect from people and from life in general. In other words, have standards. Have standards and do not apologize for having them. Toxic and unhealthy people do NOT like women who carry themselves with self-respect and pride. They will run for the hills!
Eventually I will make a post of my own self-care routine. The idea is to to be kind, nurturing and uplifting to yourself on a daily basis. Yes, daily. You need to treat yourself the way you’d like others to treat you. That’s my take on the golden rule lol!
What to Do Next
If you are in a relationship and suspect that it might be unhealthy, take action and address the issues immediately. Listen to your feelings. DO NOT wait for things to change on their own. If the worst case scenario occurs and the relationship must end, so be it! We do not need toxicity in our lives. We’re too fly for that!
A massive shout out to all my heroines who have been in toxic relationships and found the strength to leave. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to break free of those chains and to finally start trusting yourself.
No relationship is perfect. But nobody deserves to feel put down, worthless or unloved. Ever. Especially not by the hand of somebody that claims to love you. Tell him boy bye!